That’s what I feel like.

For some reason Im carrying a lot of anger. Yesterday I forgot the first class — misread my timetable, probably subconsious sabotage — and had to be called by the principal. Embarrassing. And in response I arranged an additional lab class for4pm the same day. But nobody turned up. I later foun out that the same class had complained to the principal about us being behind on the sylabus. How can they do that and not come to the bloody lab?

I exploded. Unfortunately poor old sister Pauline got the brunt of it. I swore and cursed and marched off back to my house saying “send me back to fucking England” at the top o my voice.

Sister P was awesome. She came to my house and patiently drank tea and didnt mention anything. Slowly she started to tell stories of her own challenges since she has been hereh. I wondered how she manages to keep going. She volunteered to me that God does it. Maybe faith would be a good thing for me but I aint got none.

Fuck it!


  1. Drew Says:

    Hiya Mark,
    Awww *Sympathy*
    I hope you feeling better now?
    hmmm, How about some pleasant distractions.

    The world needs some luniacs:
    a very, Very VERY tall card tower
    Whole card cities – much more cool

    Swing music collecting going and all the other important little things in life are going very well.
    Summer started yesterday in London, and still going today,
    Big Smiles
    Drew 😀

  2. Tyg Says:

    ***LOVE*** and ***HUGS***

    we’re here if you need to talk, to shout, to let off aggresion, to find peace, to be you … you know where to find us.


  3. Sophia Says:

    I too feel the same quite often. For various reasons.

    What do i do then? Talk to Constatine or my children if they
    are around, and if they are not the reason I am angry (sometimes one of the previous does not hold).

    But then mostly one remembers all the good things, no?

    Of course, the difficulties here are nothing to being on your own and so far away – only the weather there is better.

    Christopher, and matthew and i are sending lots of love!


    PS I am chasing Tony Clarke, and will come back on the matter
    of PhD.

  4. mungers Says:

    Can I join in the curse-fest?

    [ looks over shoulder ]


    (Hope my mum never reads this…)

  5. Mark Says:

    Thanks guys.

    Chris, your curses made me laugh out loud in the middle of my Javascript class!

    Seems October is national fucked off at Kenyans month, everyone I talk to has similar stories. Hey, I know some Kenyans sometimes read this, please add a comment and tell me what’s going wrong!

    Its been tough just going back to the house after work and locking my door. The weather hasn’t even been that good of late, its very rainy and very humid now.

    Last night I woke up dreaming about Micro$oft Group Policy Editor from a day of trying to protect the new machines we’re putting in the cyber cafe. Im making mountains out of mole hills, I know.

    I think I’m slightly understimulated. I feel a bit like Marvin The Paranoid Android:

    "Here I am, brain the size of a planet and you ask me to pick up a piece of paper from the floor."

    "And I’ve got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side"

    Ok back to this Javascript class.

  6. Drew Says:

    "You should be more Mattressy."
    said Zem 🙂

  7. Christopher A (Ishra) Says:


    Something funny just happened. Talking of getting cross…..

    The context of the conversation was some formal stuff etc. Sophia, Matthew and I are all around the table.

    Sophia is trying to get a point across. After several tries she says:

    "I am going to scream!"

    She gets up, opens the window and screams very loud 🙂

    Very funny.

    Just imagine.

    Take care.

  8. Mark Says:

    Thanks Ishra
    I have a very clear image!

    Especially since I screamed loudly myself today when I got back to my house at lunchtime.

    Mine was deeper, I’ll bet.
    Give her a hug from me.
    And have one yourself. Your presence here is very welcome. I miss you, sweetie!

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