My sister Jan and her husband Steve came to visit and brought me a new toilet seat.
Penny told her my old one wasn’t the kind you’d want to spend any time on if you were caught short with a touch of equatorial tummy trouble.
To be fair, the old one had developed a couple of cracks that could give you a nasty nip if you didn’t sit perfectly still, and brace your thighs against the rim. But I’d been getting used to it.
Steve fitted the new one and declared there should be an opening ceremony. So I put on suitable music and, with suitable pomp and circumstance, cut the “ribbon”.
“I hereby declare this bog open.”
“God bless her, and all who pee in her.”